I just thought of contributing to this awesome community and hope this can be of use to someone. Although PHP provides threaded options, and multi curl handles that run in parallel, I managed to bash out a solution to run each function as it's own process for non-threaded versions of PHP.
Usage:  #!/usr/bin/php
Usage: php -f /path/to/file
#!/usr/bin/php
<?php
function fork_process($options) 
{
    $shared_memory_monitor = shmop_open(ftok(__FILE__, chr(0)), "c", 0644, count($options['process']));
    $shared_memory_ids = (object) array();
    for ($i = 1; $i <= count($options['process']); $i++) 
    {
        $shared_memory_ids->$i = shmop_open(ftok(__FILE__, chr($i)), "c", 0644, $options['size']);
    }
    for ($i = 1; $i <= count($options['process']); $i++) 
    { 
        $pid = pcntl_fork(); 
        if (!$pid) 
        { 
            if($i==1)
                usleep(100000);
            $shared_memory_data = $options['process'][$i - 1]();
            shmop_write($shared_memory_ids->$i, $shared_memory_data, 0);
            shmop_write($shared_memory_monitor, "1", $i-1);
            exit($i); 
        } 
    } 
    while (pcntl_waitpid(0, $status) != -1) 
    { 
        if(shmop_read($shared_memory_monitor, 0, count($options['process'])) == str_repeat("1", count($options['process'])))
        {
            $result = array();
            foreach($shared_memory_ids as $key=>$value)
            {
                $result[$key-1] = shmop_read($shared_memory_ids->$key, 0, $options['size']);
                shmop_delete($shared_memory_ids->$key);
            }
            shmop_delete($shared_memory_monitor);
            $options['callback']($result);
        }    
    } 
}
$options['size'] = pow(1024,2); 
$options['process'][0] = function()
{
    sleep(1);
    return 'Hello ';
};
$options['process'][1] = function()
{
    sleep(1);
    return 'World!';
};
$options['callback'] = function($result)
{
    echo $result[0].$result[1]."\n";    
};
fork_process($options);
?>
If you'd like to get the results back from a webpage, use exec(). Eg: echo exec('php -f /path/to/file');
Continue hacking! :)